Reach for the stars
What does being successful really mean, is it success for you or success in the eyes of someone else?
Thinking back to my growing up, I went to the private school up the road and not the state school where my friends went.
My ma and pa wanted the best for me but was it the best in their eyes and not in mine.
It is a real challenge not to put your own value system on to someone else. As parents we can be careless with our children’s hearts, giving them the best materially but not really listening to them as a person.
I would have loved to have been in the theatre, unfortunately my parents measure of success was intelligence and education.
I was a bright spark, but academia did not suit me.
The school I went to was one of the best Girls’Grammars in the country, we were a wide mix of individuals a good proportion coming form council estates which rather debunks the myth they were only for middle classes.
I guess I was always classed as having attitude. Mostly because I was scared and didn’t want to be there.
In those times teachers would condemn you out of hand, not accounting for what other factors may have influenced underperforming.
We do still do this. Mostly there appears to be a battle between parents and teachers as opposed to listening to what the child really needs.
Job hunting also requires that you understand what you really need. When I help to coach people, we spend some time finding their hidden demons and moving them out.
Once you have got to grips with your fears and you know that you can concentrate on being successful for you then you can find yourself getting to the launch pad and taking off!!
This of course is a little trickier if you live in an area where there is extremely high unemployment but there are ways you cantake advantage of reduced rates for adult education or other creative courses where you often find a hidden talent.
Recently I worked with a young warehouseman who had never had someone believe that he was capable. This led him to be surly and mischievous at school and resulted in him leaving his carpentry apprenticeship.
In his coaching sessions he began to realise these mindets and subsequent behaviours were outdated and the first thing he needed to do was pass his driving test and return to carpentry, a pursuit that he enjoyed and would bring him the career development he desired.
We all need someone to believe in us, not in a silly unrealistic way because I don’t hold to the view that you can be anything you want to be. You only have to watch the X factor to understand this is not the case.
For example, my physical makeup would not lend itself to being a ballet dancer no matter what I did.
Too much encouragement in unrealistic ‘talents’ only offers disappointment and depression.
So, I might not have a career in the theatre but I am now bringing something of myself to an audience in a different way.