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Are you a hostage to your inner critic

Submitted by on August 1, 2009 – 8:11 amNo Comment

shutterstock_36433018Do you have those moments when you know that you would like to try something different in your life but your internal, critical voice – which I call the old black crow, starts squawking all the negatives about you and reduces you to depression and inactivity?

I had my own one last week, I have been working quite hard and it decided to pay me a visit . So I stopped going to the gym, had one wine too many and at least 4 bars of chocolate.

So I decided to do a bit of clearing out of my filing cabinets and came across a tape which was made by a mentor of mine, Dr. George Kohlreiser. He is a trained hostage negotiator and has worked with the U.N., you’ll find him if you google the name.

Anyway,one of Dr. G.,s specialisms is bonding and the psychology and mechanisms behind bonding.

He uses this skill to great advantage when in hostage negotiations and it started to make me reflect on why at this moment was I not bonded to myself.

Actually, I was tired and I need to give myself permission just to rest and do nothing. I needn’t have gone to the gym but I could have gone swimming as there is a lovely pool there.

When I was a young girl, chilling or idling was not encouraged – the instructions were don’t be so selfish – go and do something constructive – and without thinking about me as a grown woman, I had temporarily allowed myself to slip back and use the old negative voice to make me miserable and headachy so I could isolate myself because of course in this case, the doing something constructive would have been to sleep or rest..

Now, having had some quiet time and rest, my thinking is better and I can reflect on how easy it is to stay hostage to your own inner critic when making a positive decision in recognition to your needs can be so easy.

The hard part for most of us that we don’t remember to think about what we need or maybe even recognise the inner signals.

The fast pace of modern life means we have come away from our inner selves, not making the time to check in on what we want or even possess the ability to recognise it let alone act on it.

Then, when other people can’t guess what we want we go around feeling a mixture of , depression, anger, exasperation, fury, misery – rather like two year olds who cannot articulate their needs because they don’t have the language. They will have a hunger for something, whether it is sleep, food, cuddles or fun, often the hunger is fed by inappropriate means, the need for cuddles may be replaced by a dummy or doughnuts, fun, the television because it gives you something.

There is no blame attached here , it’s what happens, but you don’t need to stay stuck with these patterns.

So as we grow up we can find that we may still try to feed these hungers in ways which are not helpful. I fed my need for sleep by getting more tired – now is that daft or what!!

Most of us never learn this emotional language, the one which interprets are inner needs, gives us permission to have them and find a solution to fulfil them.

This is why in my jobsearch programme I concentrate on understanding yourself in the first module which gives you an opportunity to find out what really makes you tick with regards to what you want to do in the world.

So today, just reflect on one thing you really like to do or are interested in.

Lets see if we can make it grow.

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